Things my cover letter won’t tell you…
Sunday, September 19th, 2010In the past few weeks, I have invested myself in finding a job worth having. To this end, I have, draft by draft, been fine-tuning the cover letter to an exact science. It goes something like this:
Dear Courtesy Title,
Expression of interest in specific position and experience in/passion for the general field. Rattle off degrees/credentials. Claim that combination of experience, degrees, credentials makes me qualified for job. Repeat expression of delight re: job’s existence.
Insert two or three paragraphs detailing the grit and wisdom I’ve gained by teaching in different contexts and my academic achievement. Hammer home how rewarding it all has been and that I’ve always taken on challenges.
Smooth transition to the new challenge of the opportunity for which this letter is being written. This job, whatever it is, is my logical next step, a dream fulfilled.
Mention resume/references attached. Thank for consideration. Look forward to discussing the position in more detail.
Close with robotic sincerity,
Elizabeth Sampson
I make it sound worse than it is, and if I could be a bit more cynical about the whole thing, I could probably churn these things out a lot faster. It is always true that by filling one page of things about yourself, you are not saying the thousands of other pages of things you could say. Even so, the cover letter is a strange genre. Under most circumstances, you have to write a bunch of them to get a handful of interviews to be offered a single job. Maybe this math works out because you really are only looking for one job. Still, the cover letter demands that you present your entire education and working life as single-minded, direct preparation for this particular exciting opportunity with your company/organization/school. Like there is only one arrow in your quiver and one target in the woods.
What I really want to say is something like, “Forget my resume. I’ve been to school, I’ve worked some jobs. Meh. What you really want to know is if I’m likable, and I SO am.” So, to potential employers: here are a few of the things my cover letter doesn’t say but that I think are what will really matter on the job.
- I will wear sneakers to work pretty much everyday during long pants season. The shoes I wore to my interview you will see again maybe twice, if you’re lucky. You won’t really notice, though. Barefoot, I’m as tall as most women in heels, plus my sneakers are super stylin’ and always seem logical with my outfit.
- If you’ve been hoping that the staff would bond more outside of work, you need to call me for an interview RIGHT NOW. I have an incredible gift for convincing people that transportation concerns, childcare issues, medical appointments, a full inbox, nagging significant others, and similar are not appropriate reasons for missing post-work happy hour. I will build alliances that crush workplace cliques and get everyone there. People will say how much fun they had and wonder why they didn’t do something like that before, etc, and a tradition will be born. You’re welcome.
- It will always seem like I have all my work under control and have time to talk. That may or may not be true, but since I will get everything done, one way or another, do you really care?
- I will usually have an ambitious to-do list on my desk. This list is not just for show, but you shouldn’t expect me to be happily checking off particular items. I use these lists to keep afloat general categories of concerns, but I will accomplish tasks in any order, or more likely, will decide on a wholly different approach which calls for different tasks. Please see above item. Don’t worry.
- The stuff in my cover letter about my passion for teaching, fundamental belief in everyone’s right to rigor and respect at school, and desire to continue contributing to society in ways I can see? I meant all that. Like, really meant it. In fact, I actually toned it down because I don’t know you and those convictions are important and personal. Imagine what I’ll reveal when you do know me.